In Which Thor Adopts a Pet and General Chaos Ensues
by EmeraldAngelofDarkness
Summary: The title says it all. Semi crack fic. Written in one especially boring free period. Written by both The EmeraldAngelofDarkness and Lilyubug!


**Hey it's me here! At school we have like an hour on Fridays to do whatever we want and Lilyubug and I were bored to we ended up do THIS...**

 **Firstly: This fic. was written by both me and Lilyubug! So Yayyyyy!**

 **Secondly: This is based on an actual dream that I had.**

 **Lilyubug wants to say: "I am legitimately so sorry."**

* * *

Midgard, it seemed to Thor, would never cease to amaze him.

The building here were just as tall as those of Asgard, but where Asgard was golden, New York gleamed silver.

As he flew through the sky towards recently dubbed "Avengers" tower he saw a strange being flailing on top of a dumpster. He lowered himself closer to the ground so he could observe this new life form. The creature appeared to be a small, black pig. It seemed to be stuck and was convulsing on its back like an overturned turtle.

"You poor thing." Thor was instantly filled with a sense determination that bordered on insanity. "I will save you, small midgardian creature!" He lifted the minuscule pig up and flew into the sunrise, outlined in a halo of shining rays, the perfect representation of his pure and kind heart.

And what was the pig doing you may ask? It had settled into Thor's arms and was happily chewing on his flowing windswept locks.

* * *

Pepper was having a good day. She had gone to a Stark Industries board meeting and cleared up a media issue; she would have to tell Jarvis to remind Tony he couldn't use the suit to go scuba diving anymore, they didn't need another drunken skinny dipping incident.

Miss Potts was on top of her game and thought she could handle just about anything thrown her way.

Boy was she wrong.

Upon walking into the living room of the tower the cup of coffee she had been holding fell out of her hands and smashed onto the floor.

Thor was sitting, as happy as could be, on the bar holding what appeared to be a box of cinnamon flavored pop-tarts and a small black pig.

"WHY IS THERE A PIG IN THE TOWER?!"

The pig in question was joyfully munching away on a pop-tart, oblivious. "Bwee!"

"Do you object to the small midgardian creature?"

"Um YES! We already have Tony living in the tower, we don't need an actual pig."

Thor frowned. "But it needs me."

Pepper's eye twitched "I already have to deal with all of your avenging asses. I can't handle any more wild animals. Especially after the whole mess with Steve blowing up the toaster. Just give it to a shelter! Why did you even bring it back here?!"

"I felt the motherly urge to take it in, feed it, and raise it as my own." Thor adopted what the rest of the team had begun to call his 'kicked golden retriever puppy' look. "Please?"

Pepper crossed her arms, "Absolutely not, Thor."

The pig looked up with what appeared to almost be a piggy glare, "Bwee!"

She would not relent to a pig. "It has to go."

All of a sudden the pig looked so sad. His deep, soulful eyes portrayed a world of depression so deep she felt as if she could not begin to comprehend.

"Fine." Pepper huffed. "The pig can stay."

Thor turned back to the pitiful animal in his arms.

"Little creature, do not cry. You are special. You are unique. You are valued." Thor murmured, cradling the piglet in his arms, as if it were a young child.

The pig seemed considerably cheered up by the news, if somewhat uncomfortable being hugged to Thor's chest.

"So, what are you going to name it?" Asked Pepper, eyeing the slightly struggling animal.

Thor looked thoughtful "We could name it Titania."

"Oh, it's a female pig then." Pepper was surprised. "What with the yellow bandana and all you think it would be a guy."

"Bweeeee! Bwee!" The pig seemed to be offended. "Bwee!" It's face began to turn red, and it somewhat resembled an overripe tomato.

The noises the pig was emitting slowly rose in pitch. "Here, let me check." Pepper picked the pig up and held it over her head.

"Oh! It is a male pig! Intelligent, isn't it, almost like it could understand us." Pepper smiled to herself at the thought of such an impossibility. "But Thor, if you want to keep this pig for an extended period of time, we should really get him neutered." Pepper pointed out.

The pig froze. Frantically, he looked around the room for an exit. Seeing the door left open he squealed and squirmed his way out of Pepper's arms and dashed toward it.

Making sure to run in a straight line, he flew towards the light. Closer, closer! For once, it seemed, he was running in the right direction! Leaping out of the wide room, he was finally free! He sprinted towards nature, with a look of relief painted on his face.

"Why did that pig just run into the kitchen?" Pepper asked Thor.

* * *

Upon entering the kitchen the tiny pig let out a breath.

 _There is no way in HELL I am getting neutered..._ He thought. _Finally I am out of that crazy house! Wait... Wall... Sink... Fridge... I can't be late for my duel with Ranma! I sent the challenge last week, I can't believe I got this lost again. I can hear him now: "Jeez Ryoga, how did you where were you this time?"_

 _Damn my sense of direction! At least blondie was nice, but where is Furinkan High School?!_

The pig, Ryoga, looked around, _Mmmm pots, pans, countertops, man holding tea kettle full of steaming something... Must be the kitchen..._ Ryoga froze. Kitchens meant chefs, and chefs had knives, and, as he had learned, not many chefs were vegan.

If he was going to get out of this alive, he had to be casual, and quiet, he could not risk being heard, and becoming potential dinner!

Ryoga closed his eyes and sprinted. "Bwee!"

Ow. That hurt.

He had run into the leg of a table. The man spun around, he had a fluffy head of curly brown hair and wire rimmed glasses. Oh Shoot, he can see me!

Panicking, Ryoga closed his eyes again. If you couldn't see someone, they couldn't see you. He knew this from three and a half years of elementary school hide and seek. Everyone did!

"Is someone there?" The footsteps grew louder.

Steeling his small heart and barring his fangs, Ryoga jumped towards the man and and latched his teeth onto the nearest limb.

"Aahh!" The man yelled, not knowing what hit him.

Ryoga grimaced. _How long ago was this guys last bath?_ He tasted terrible.

The poor man was so startled by the sharp canines he dropped the kettle and shook his arm, sending both the teapot and the little porker flying across the room.. "What the- A pig?" A strange look crossed his face.

Gracefully the steaming pot of water made an arc through the air, and landed upside down on the pig. Ryoga ran out of the room, trying to get away before his curse could activate, but the kettle over his face made it a little hard to see.

Bruce heard the pig making some distressed "Bweee!" noises as it raced into the hallway. As it ran the sound seemed to drop an octave. Bruce shrugged: It wasn't the weirdest thing that he had seen that morning.

* * *

"Ohhhhhhhhh crap." Ryoga looked down, horrified. He needed some clothes pronto.

Suddenly he heard a noise from down the hall. "Tony is that you?"

A woman with striking red bob cut and a tight, black bodysuit came into view.

 _Oh well... Screw plan: "Find clothes and act like this was a mistake". Time for plan B._

Ryoga covered his face with his hands: _Can't see me, can't see me, can't see me!_ And ran for it.

He ran all the way down the stairwell, bolted into the lobby, frightened a janitor, ran out the front door, mentally scarred a small child, confused an old lady and generally caused an enormous amount of chaos.

* * *

Back in the hallway of the tower stood a very confused Natasha Romanoff. She turned back and forth trying to understand what on earth had just happened.

"Was that Tony?"


End file.
